First let me say that law school finals suck. Now lets get back into it. Last weekend many great things happened, the Skins did not trade all of their picks to get Sanchez. If they had, the front page of ESPN would have looked like this http://www.espnnewstoday.com/. Notice how unhappy he looks. Its like he just hooked up with the hottest girl in school and then found out he has herpes. Anyway hope the herpeless Sanchez does well in New York. Finally, the greatest thing about last weekend was the Sox sweep of the Evil Empire.
This got me thinking about my favorite memories as a Red Sox fan. Tek beating up Arod, which is even more impressive knowing he was on steroids. Then there was Bill Mueller hitting a home run of Rivera to win that same game. And who can forget Pedro slamming Zimmer's head into the ground. Now don't get me wrong, I love the AARP, but if you are going to start something you damn well better finish it. And by finishing it I do not mean eating the grass in the Fenway infield.
But my favorite moment by far was watching Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS and seeing Yankee fans crying. I remember watching the game with my buddy Becker and laughing at 8 year-old Yankee fans crying. Now you may be thinking that I am depraved and have no soul, but if you weren't a Red Sox fan prior to 2004 you just don’t understand. It would be like watching baby Hitler cry. You feel bad at first, but then you see that damn mustache and realize what a monster he was and you are happy that little fucker is bawling his eyes out. Make Yankee-Hitler connection, check.
Anyway, for those that missed it, on Friday Rivera blew the game on a 2 run homer by Bay in the bottom of the 9th (who I have been trying to get on my Fantasy team but can't cause my team sucks and I am an awful fantasy player). This opened the door to Youk's walk off shot a couple innings later. Then there was the 16-11 game on Saturday, awesome. And finally, the Sunday night game where are young gun pitchers just shit on the Yanks $908371423 lineup. Yes, I know Arod wasn't playing but shoot him up and get him back in there already. After a slow start the Sox are flying high and I couldn't be happier.
Now I owe an apology to the Caps. They came back in game 7 and beat the Rangers on an absurd wrister by Federov. Let me be the first to congratulate you on beating a team who barely made the playoffs, has Sean (I like the penalty box) Avery, and who has a head coach that embarrassed the organization by give throwing beer at caps fans in the first row and trying to hit them with a stick a la Marty McSorley circa 2000 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnP18StCoHA. On a side note, I have met Marty McSorley and he is a really nice guy. So congrats Caps, you should be proud. Now this doesn't mean that I am not rooting whole-heartedly for them to beat the Pens, mainly because I think Crosby whines too much. Also, the Kings are usually mathematically eliminated by January so I have to root for someone. So go Caps.
Finally, I have decided to end all entries with fake twitters for athletes. So here it goes for the past week in sports.
Andy Petite-"I'm scared, someone just robbed my home"
Brad Miller-"Who…dere…..who….dey…..?"
Derrick Rose-"Buying gummy bears in Boston."
Van Gundy "Glad that Dwight Howard didn't elbow me after I told him he sucked. Fuck my team"
Tim Duncan-"Golfing"
Federov-"Hookers, Russia House and Vodka. Suck on that Lundqvuist."
Tortorella-"Going to Sean Avery's to punch him in the face"
Wang-"Looking through the Classifieds"
Texas High School Athlete-"Fever, Runny Nose, Vomiting and Diarrhea, probably just a stomach flu"
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Playoffs?......Playoffs?
For those who have been able to pull themselves away from the Detroit Lions Fashion Show and the 24/7 coverage of the NFL Draft, you have been treated to some remarkable NHL and NBA playoff games. Now as a Kings fan, the NHL playoffs haven't been personally interesting in sometime, but that doesn't mean that they aren't fun to watch. To me the best series in the first round have been the Hawks/Flames, Ducks/Sharks and Canes/Devils.
The great thing about the Hawks/Flames series is the fan support for both teams. In Chicago you have the nicest people in the world. They love their teams no matter how many Billy goat hexes, bad quarterbacks or polish sausages get in their way. Then on the other hand you have the Flames fans. Calgary to Canada is like the panhandle to the US. Straight up country. Tobacco chewing, buck hunting, Boo Weekley look alikes. They love their Flames cause lets face it, they don't really have much else in the way of pro teams up there. Anyway, this series has everything, rising stars, current stars and even good goaltending. It should be exciting to see how it ends.
Then there is Ducks/Sharks. Division rivals. Two solid teams. Great players, great coaches, and great goaltending. The only problem is that this is the 1/8 match up. In my opinion San Jose got fucked. It would not surprise me to see the winner of this series advance to the Stanley Cup Finals, but my predictions usually suck, so they are probably both fucked. Anyway, if you like hockey and can stay awake past 11, stay up and watch.
Finally, there is the Canes/Devils. A face-off between the always-steady Devils and the up and down Canes. For those who don't really follow hockey, the Canes are similar to the Marlins. Will be really good, like their Stanley Cup run, and then they will suck for the next few years while they stockpile young talent. Now they are good again and are giving the Devils all they can handle. While Canes fans are not the most knowledgeable about the game, like when they cheer for offsides or icing, they more than make up for it with their excitement during the playoffs. Think of it as the ugly girl who is terrible in bed but you keep going back for more because her enthusiasm makes you think you are doing something right. And doing something right is exactly what the Canes did on Tuesday night. As me and my roommate were watching the end of the 3rd, completely unaware of how much time was left on the clock, we figured we were going to get to watch another OT game, one of the best parts of the hockey playoffs. Instead, Jokinen tips it in at the buzzer. Yes I said it, a buzzer beater in hockey. Something rarely seen, especially with .2 seconds left in a 3-3 game in the playoffs. INCREDIBLE. I can only hope that there are more games like this to come.
Now onto the NBA, where amazing is supposed to happen. With the exception of the Bulls/Celtics series, which everyone thought was going to be another beat down, nothing exciting has happened. The Cavs and Lakers are putting a beat down on the Pistons and Jazz. Although I will say watching those games makes me think of what it would be like to watch Mike Tyson fight an infant. Ok…..ok…..a really strong infant.
Next we have Magic/Sixers. The only thing amazing about this series is how Stan Van Gundy hasn't gotten Latrell Sprewelled by one of his players after he tells them how much they suck after every game. I hope Dwight Howard donkey punches him during a timeout tonight.
The rest of the series can be summed up pretty quickly:
Heat/Atl-Wade vs. Actual Hawk
Denver/NO-Chauncey has big balls/good trade Detroit how is that 8 seed in the east treating you
Portland/Houston-Houston 1 Portland 1 Dikembe 0......Just wag your finger at me if you think this is too soon
Dallas/San Antonio-Has been vs. Never Was
Finally, I will leave you with 10 things to watch this weekend.
10. The Natinals benching a player for giving back to the community, but then he plays anyway because they misspell his name and Acta doesn't notice.
9. Tim Duncan making his Tim Duncan face
8. Beckett hitting a Yankee in the head
7. Burnett trying to retaliate but missing
6. Lakers and Cavs finishing off the Jazz/Pistons
5. Sean Avery taking 10 penalties, Tortorella killing him
4. Dampier eating Tony Parker
3. The Redskins trading away Portis, Landry and FedEx field to move up to the 8th spot to get Sanchez
2. Dan Snyder being hospitalized after an unknown assailant head butts him in the crotch while wearing a helmet
and the number one thing to watch this weekend..........
1. In a surprise move the Lions draft Michael Crabtree and 20,000 Lions fans kill themselves
The great thing about the Hawks/Flames series is the fan support for both teams. In Chicago you have the nicest people in the world. They love their teams no matter how many Billy goat hexes, bad quarterbacks or polish sausages get in their way. Then on the other hand you have the Flames fans. Calgary to Canada is like the panhandle to the US. Straight up country. Tobacco chewing, buck hunting, Boo Weekley look alikes. They love their Flames cause lets face it, they don't really have much else in the way of pro teams up there. Anyway, this series has everything, rising stars, current stars and even good goaltending. It should be exciting to see how it ends.
Then there is Ducks/Sharks. Division rivals. Two solid teams. Great players, great coaches, and great goaltending. The only problem is that this is the 1/8 match up. In my opinion San Jose got fucked. It would not surprise me to see the winner of this series advance to the Stanley Cup Finals, but my predictions usually suck, so they are probably both fucked. Anyway, if you like hockey and can stay awake past 11, stay up and watch.
Finally, there is the Canes/Devils. A face-off between the always-steady Devils and the up and down Canes. For those who don't really follow hockey, the Canes are similar to the Marlins. Will be really good, like their Stanley Cup run, and then they will suck for the next few years while they stockpile young talent. Now they are good again and are giving the Devils all they can handle. While Canes fans are not the most knowledgeable about the game, like when they cheer for offsides or icing, they more than make up for it with their excitement during the playoffs. Think of it as the ugly girl who is terrible in bed but you keep going back for more because her enthusiasm makes you think you are doing something right. And doing something right is exactly what the Canes did on Tuesday night. As me and my roommate were watching the end of the 3rd, completely unaware of how much time was left on the clock, we figured we were going to get to watch another OT game, one of the best parts of the hockey playoffs. Instead, Jokinen tips it in at the buzzer. Yes I said it, a buzzer beater in hockey. Something rarely seen, especially with .2 seconds left in a 3-3 game in the playoffs. INCREDIBLE. I can only hope that there are more games like this to come.
Now onto the NBA, where amazing is supposed to happen. With the exception of the Bulls/Celtics series, which everyone thought was going to be another beat down, nothing exciting has happened. The Cavs and Lakers are putting a beat down on the Pistons and Jazz. Although I will say watching those games makes me think of what it would be like to watch Mike Tyson fight an infant. Ok…..ok…..a really strong infant.
Next we have Magic/Sixers. The only thing amazing about this series is how Stan Van Gundy hasn't gotten Latrell Sprewelled by one of his players after he tells them how much they suck after every game. I hope Dwight Howard donkey punches him during a timeout tonight.
The rest of the series can be summed up pretty quickly:
Heat/Atl-Wade vs. Actual Hawk
Denver/NO-Chauncey has big balls/good trade Detroit how is that 8 seed in the east treating you
Portland/Houston-Houston 1 Portland 1 Dikembe 0......Just wag your finger at me if you think this is too soon
Dallas/San Antonio-Has been vs. Never Was
Finally, I will leave you with 10 things to watch this weekend.
10. The Natinals benching a player for giving back to the community, but then he plays anyway because they misspell his name and Acta doesn't notice.
9. Tim Duncan making his Tim Duncan face
8. Beckett hitting a Yankee in the head
7. Burnett trying to retaliate but missing
6. Lakers and Cavs finishing off the Jazz/Pistons
5. Sean Avery taking 10 penalties, Tortorella killing him
4. Dampier eating Tony Parker
3. The Redskins trading away Portis, Landry and FedEx field to move up to the 8th spot to get Sanchez
2. Dan Snyder being hospitalized after an unknown assailant head butts him in the crotch while wearing a helmet
and the number one thing to watch this weekend..........
1. In a surprise move the Lions draft Michael Crabtree and 20,000 Lions fans kill themselves
Friday, April 17, 2009
D.C. in the Spring
Welcome to my blog. Insert dork joke/you are not the sports guy joke/Jewish people can't play sports so they write about it....joke. Now that we got that out of the way, here is a short intro. I was born and raised in LA, have family from Boston and New York, went to Duke, worked for Fox Sports West in Los Angeles, and now live in DC. You will know my sports allegiances quickly, and trust me you won't like it. Anyway, lets get to it.
Here are some thoughts on D.C. sports in the spring. First, let me say how great it is to be living in D.C. during this great era in sports. Wait...what? What I meant to say was that rooting for the D.C. sports teams is like watching the 7th season of 24. It is all exciting before the season starts, but in the end you know whats going to happen. Yet somehow you are still surprised when an American turns out to be a terrorist and defends himself by claiming that he was doing it for to save the good ole US of A. Take the Redskins as an example. Every year, except maybe 2008, and I am not counting Jason Taylor as a potential team savior, the Skins have a huge off-season. Yet every year, the over-priced fat asses eat five guys out of a business before sucking it up on the field. And every year the experts and the fans, including myself, think that this year will be different. Guess what, if Haynesworth comes into the preseason weighing less than the polar bear in Germany who tried to eat the dumbest woman alive, I will be stoked. In fact, I will be happier than Josh Howard on 4/20, and no, not because they are going to beat the Spurs who are older than the Alamo.
And just when you think it can't get any worse, the talk of Dan Snyder having a man crush on Sanchez is on the front page. AWESOME. I am a USC fan and this is a dumb idea. He may be a great QB, who knows. But guess what, no one is a good QB when they are lying on the ground with Demarcus Ware's foot in their ass. I swear to god, if the Skins do not draft someone over 300 lbs in the first round someone should send Snyder a cake with a naked midget in it who looks like Gus Ferrote who jumps out and head butts him in the junk. I mean c'mon, Snyder, stick to what you to best, money and .....well money.
Now onto the Natinals. No that is not a spelling error. It is bad enough that they blew leads in the 9th on Saturday and Sunday, but to cap it off, they couldn't even spell their names right on their jerseys. Natinals? Really? In addition to sending 3 pitchers down to the minors on Sunday you should have also sent down the printer or whoever is in charge of making the jerseys. I understand that we are in a recession, but maybe leave out the S, or even the als and just be Nation. Hell maybe thats what they should do. If they are lucky people will think they are the Red Sox Nation's minor league baseball team. Instead they are treated like the drunk kid at the party who just threw up on himself, you feel bad for him, yet you can't stop for 30 seconds to help him because you are laughing so hard.
Now to the Wizards.....this should be quick. Combine overpriced players with an owner who doesn't know what the fuck he is doing, and ta da.....welcome to the worst team in the NBA. The Mystics could have won more games....ummm...ok maybe I took that one a little far, but I bet that Mystic fan agrees with me.
Finally, the shining star that is D.C. sports, the Caps. I love Ovechkin. Fun to root for, has incredible energy, and gives the fans something to watch, besides the 10 goals that are being scored on Jose Threeormore (a quick thanks to Mr Dubin). Now if I described a team as high scoring, exciting to watch, has an MVP yet continously loses in the playoffs what would your first answer be. The Phoenix Suns? Exactly. The Caps are the Suns of the NHL. Great team with great talent that can put points/goals up on anyone, that is until they reach the playoffs. This team is just not meant for playoff hockey. When teams clog up the neutral zone, play conservative, and don't turn the puck over, it gets hard to score. And when you have bad goaltending and an average defensive team, you are going to struggle. Now hey, they are only down 2-0 and in hockey we all know that home ice doesn't mean shit, but even if they somehow squeeze by the Rangers they have as much chance of making it to the Stanley Cup as Chien-Ming Wang does of making it through the 2nd inning. Bam...now you know I am a sox fan.
And on that note let me say that nothing made me happier than seeing the Yankees open their new stadium with a loss, only to follow it up 2 days later with a 22-4 drubbing by the Indians.
Anyway, that is it for my first blog. I hope you enjoyed and I promise it will get better.
Finally, I would just like to say a few words about a friend of mine who was lost in a drunk driving accident. Henry Pearson was a man of potential. He was the guy that you knew was going to be successful no matter what he did and no matter where he did it. Henry, the world is a darker place without you. The sports world and my world will never be the same. Take care and may you rest in peace.
Here are some thoughts on D.C. sports in the spring. First, let me say how great it is to be living in D.C. during this great era in sports. Wait...what? What I meant to say was that rooting for the D.C. sports teams is like watching the 7th season of 24. It is all exciting before the season starts, but in the end you know whats going to happen. Yet somehow you are still surprised when an American turns out to be a terrorist and defends himself by claiming that he was doing it for to save the good ole US of A. Take the Redskins as an example. Every year, except maybe 2008, and I am not counting Jason Taylor as a potential team savior, the Skins have a huge off-season. Yet every year, the over-priced fat asses eat five guys out of a business before sucking it up on the field. And every year the experts and the fans, including myself, think that this year will be different. Guess what, if Haynesworth comes into the preseason weighing less than the polar bear in Germany who tried to eat the dumbest woman alive, I will be stoked. In fact, I will be happier than Josh Howard on 4/20, and no, not because they are going to beat the Spurs who are older than the Alamo.
And just when you think it can't get any worse, the talk of Dan Snyder having a man crush on Sanchez is on the front page. AWESOME. I am a USC fan and this is a dumb idea. He may be a great QB, who knows. But guess what, no one is a good QB when they are lying on the ground with Demarcus Ware's foot in their ass. I swear to god, if the Skins do not draft someone over 300 lbs in the first round someone should send Snyder a cake with a naked midget in it who looks like Gus Ferrote who jumps out and head butts him in the junk. I mean c'mon, Snyder, stick to what you to best, money and .....well money.
Now onto the Natinals. No that is not a spelling error. It is bad enough that they blew leads in the 9th on Saturday and Sunday, but to cap it off, they couldn't even spell their names right on their jerseys. Natinals? Really? In addition to sending 3 pitchers down to the minors on Sunday you should have also sent down the printer or whoever is in charge of making the jerseys. I understand that we are in a recession, but maybe leave out the S, or even the als and just be Nation. Hell maybe thats what they should do. If they are lucky people will think they are the Red Sox Nation's minor league baseball team. Instead they are treated like the drunk kid at the party who just threw up on himself, you feel bad for him, yet you can't stop for 30 seconds to help him because you are laughing so hard.
Now to the Wizards.....this should be quick. Combine overpriced players with an owner who doesn't know what the fuck he is doing, and ta da.....welcome to the worst team in the NBA. The Mystics could have won more games....ummm...ok maybe I took that one a little far, but I bet that Mystic fan agrees with me.
Finally, the shining star that is D.C. sports, the Caps. I love Ovechkin. Fun to root for, has incredible energy, and gives the fans something to watch, besides the 10 goals that are being scored on Jose Threeormore (a quick thanks to Mr Dubin). Now if I described a team as high scoring, exciting to watch, has an MVP yet continously loses in the playoffs what would your first answer be. The Phoenix Suns? Exactly. The Caps are the Suns of the NHL. Great team with great talent that can put points/goals up on anyone, that is until they reach the playoffs. This team is just not meant for playoff hockey. When teams clog up the neutral zone, play conservative, and don't turn the puck over, it gets hard to score. And when you have bad goaltending and an average defensive team, you are going to struggle. Now hey, they are only down 2-0 and in hockey we all know that home ice doesn't mean shit, but even if they somehow squeeze by the Rangers they have as much chance of making it to the Stanley Cup as Chien-Ming Wang does of making it through the 2nd inning. Bam...now you know I am a sox fan.
And on that note let me say that nothing made me happier than seeing the Yankees open their new stadium with a loss, only to follow it up 2 days later with a 22-4 drubbing by the Indians.
Anyway, that is it for my first blog. I hope you enjoyed and I promise it will get better.
Finally, I would just like to say a few words about a friend of mine who was lost in a drunk driving accident. Henry Pearson was a man of potential. He was the guy that you knew was going to be successful no matter what he did and no matter where he did it. Henry, the world is a darker place without you. The sports world and my world will never be the same. Take care and may you rest in peace.
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